#12:
So I was catching up with 20/20 and I saw this story about this girl who was the only survivor of a brutal killing spree in Sonoma county back in 1989, and the killer was her father. This was one sick son of a bitch. I mean the guy cracked one day and took all 3 of his daughters, killed 2 of them and thought he had killed the third, but she miraculously survived. Then he went to their house and killed his wife, went to his mother in-law's house, killed her and her two other daughters, killed one of his bosses at a winery, and severely wounded another boss at another winery. Then he fled to Mexico and hid out for a couple of weeks before he was caught. It was some seriously fucked up shit.
What got to me was the daughter that survived was three years old at the time and her throat was slit from ear to ear, yet she sat with her dead sisters in the middle of a field for 36 hours until some transient walked by and found them. She lived! She totally lived after 36 hours. Really, truly, amazing.
So through this whole show the reporter talks to the doctor and nurses who saved her and the cop who was on the case, the reporter that covered it, etc. And one of the things that kept coming up was how "strong" and "resilient" and "brave" this girl was. The will she had and the determination to live. What a survivor she was, the amazing attitude, etc. The same words being used over and over to describe what an amazing girl she was and how hard she fought to stay alive. And now, twenty years later, wait for it, she grooms dogs for a living.
Like, really??! I dunno about this. If I were her, and all of these people talked about how awesome I was, and what a fighter I was, and how brave and strong I was; I would not want to disappoint everyone by just grooming dogs for a living. I certainly felt let down knowing there's person out there who apparently is one of the greatest people to ever live, and all she does is groom dogs 30 hours a week.
Not gonna lie, it bummed me out a little. But I guess if I'm ever in Sonoma county with Buddha, I know who I would want cutting her nails.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
HATE: Waiting for my lipgloss to run out
#13:
I hate waiting for my lipgloss to run out. But I do it because it cost so damn much to begin with, I don't want to just throw it out and start a new one! I want it to be worth the $8-$20 I paid for it. It just takes so f'ing long sometimes!!! ROARRRR!
There's so little left in my M.A.C.Lustreglass lipgloss, but it's taking forever to get rid of!!!
Monday, October 19, 2009
Love: My new going out bag
#11:
I love it and I can't wait to take it out on the town!
Hype Jackie clutch
HATE: Possibility of not living up to my potential
#12:
Life's tough. I mean, I have a pretty great life, don't get me wrong. I think on a daily basis I'm quite a happy person. But in the back of my mind, I wonder every now and then, if I'm living up to my potential. Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing in this world? Am I contributing to society to the fullest degree? The talents I think I possess or I've been told I possess, am I utilizing them to better myself and the people around me?
Most of the time I think the answers to these questions are: I'm not so sure.
I grew up with music as my #1 priority. I wasn't really great at sports. I tried my hand at tennis mostly, and eventually gave it up. I was pretty good in school, but mostly because I was bullied into being good in school. I'm first generation Chinese. Anything less than above average is considered failing. But music is what I always fell back on, it's what I always did good in, it's what I had a knack for. I even went to college for music, I thought it was going to be my life's work. Then Napster hit, the Internet blew up, and technology killed the record company star and the music business as I knew it. Plus love happened to me. And you do things you'd never think you'd do when you're in love. Like leave NYC for good and stay in Boston where the music business industry is almost non-existant.
So then what? I thought I had the second best answer: radio. Still a part of the music industry, and making a living at it. But in radio, if you aren't willing to move around and be flexible with the markets, that too will go bust. And now here I am, coordinating educational programs for executives at MIT. I know. Sometimes I even ask myself, "WHAT??" It's crazy, it doesn't really make any sense, and sometimes it kind of makes me feel like everything I did up until this point was a complete waste of my life.
Most people take piano lessons, and stop after a year or two, or sometimes even a few years. I took them for 12 years. I took classical vocal lessons for 5 years, and that doesn't include the voice lessons and classes that were required in college as part of my major. I played the trumpet and was good at it. I still have my trumpet from junior high. It's a thing of beauty. I was in a band in college. We played some cool places. It wasn't music I was writing, but I was still creating something. I even recorded a few things with my then boyfriend/now husband. It was fun, I still felt like I had my hand in something, like not everything that I made my mom pay for was a waste. But now I work crazy hours every couple of months and I work hard in between those crazy times on making executives and clients happy when they come to MIT. I have a mortgage, I have a dog, life happened and songwriting and recording just seems like a far away past. What's the point if no one hears it? Or what if they hear it and I'm totally living in my own head, and actually all those years of piano and voice did absolutely nothing because I'm actually really bad at it all, and no one ever told me.
Sometimes I have these crazy or very common sense thoughts and ideas, and someone says to me, "brilliant! I didn't think of that!" But I did, yet no one is around to really appreciate it. That's when I question what my life is about, am I important, and what does it all mean.
So, what if all those years I spent on music, I had spent on something else? What if I was actually supposed to go to a "real" college and major in criminal justice and become some awesome judge or FBI agent? Or what if I really am good at math and I just never gave it a real shot cause I was too busy practicing Chopin and I became some awesome mathematician/professor at an ivy league school?
And then I hear a really amazing song from "Camera Obscura", or "Hey Rosetta", or "Denali" and I think to myself, "why didn't I think of that?"
All the 'what ifs' make life hard sometimes. And Mondays don't help.
Life's tough. I mean, I have a pretty great life, don't get me wrong. I think on a daily basis I'm quite a happy person. But in the back of my mind, I wonder every now and then, if I'm living up to my potential. Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing in this world? Am I contributing to society to the fullest degree? The talents I think I possess or I've been told I possess, am I utilizing them to better myself and the people around me?
Most of the time I think the answers to these questions are: I'm not so sure.
I grew up with music as my #1 priority. I wasn't really great at sports. I tried my hand at tennis mostly, and eventually gave it up. I was pretty good in school, but mostly because I was bullied into being good in school. I'm first generation Chinese. Anything less than above average is considered failing. But music is what I always fell back on, it's what I always did good in, it's what I had a knack for. I even went to college for music, I thought it was going to be my life's work. Then Napster hit, the Internet blew up, and technology killed the record company star and the music business as I knew it. Plus love happened to me. And you do things you'd never think you'd do when you're in love. Like leave NYC for good and stay in Boston where the music business industry is almost non-existant.
So then what? I thought I had the second best answer: radio. Still a part of the music industry, and making a living at it. But in radio, if you aren't willing to move around and be flexible with the markets, that too will go bust. And now here I am, coordinating educational programs for executives at MIT. I know. Sometimes I even ask myself, "WHAT??" It's crazy, it doesn't really make any sense, and sometimes it kind of makes me feel like everything I did up until this point was a complete waste of my life.
Most people take piano lessons, and stop after a year or two, or sometimes even a few years. I took them for 12 years. I took classical vocal lessons for 5 years, and that doesn't include the voice lessons and classes that were required in college as part of my major. I played the trumpet and was good at it. I still have my trumpet from junior high. It's a thing of beauty. I was in a band in college. We played some cool places. It wasn't music I was writing, but I was still creating something. I even recorded a few things with my then boyfriend/now husband. It was fun, I still felt like I had my hand in something, like not everything that I made my mom pay for was a waste. But now I work crazy hours every couple of months and I work hard in between those crazy times on making executives and clients happy when they come to MIT. I have a mortgage, I have a dog, life happened and songwriting and recording just seems like a far away past. What's the point if no one hears it? Or what if they hear it and I'm totally living in my own head, and actually all those years of piano and voice did absolutely nothing because I'm actually really bad at it all, and no one ever told me.
Sometimes I have these crazy or very common sense thoughts and ideas, and someone says to me, "brilliant! I didn't think of that!" But I did, yet no one is around to really appreciate it. That's when I question what my life is about, am I important, and what does it all mean.
So, what if all those years I spent on music, I had spent on something else? What if I was actually supposed to go to a "real" college and major in criminal justice and become some awesome judge or FBI agent? Or what if I really am good at math and I just never gave it a real shot cause I was too busy practicing Chopin and I became some awesome mathematician/professor at an ivy league school?
And then I hear a really amazing song from "Camera Obscura", or "Hey Rosetta", or "Denali" and I think to myself, "why didn't I think of that?"
All the 'what ifs' make life hard sometimes. And Mondays don't help.
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